"O friends, what can you tell me of love, whose pathways are filled with strangeness?" (Mirabai)
I can tell you that you should expect to walk through this world with a broken heart, a heart that is broken open. i can tell you that the experience of being here is too much to contain in one vessel, and when you allow your heart to be broken, you allow your heart to live in different parts of your body, your arms and limbs are chalices of feeling and light that can refract and receive.
when you put all of your effort into maintaining what you perceive to be the wholeness of your heart — protection — you miss what you are here to do, which is to be wide open.
you talk about duality but really, it’s triplicity, multiplicity. all of the experiences that can be had, of every single different direction, that are happening at the same time. your tears, your rage, your passion, your peace, your love, your acceptance and in the same breath your anger about all of it.
you can’t expect to be able to contain all of these varying and contradicting experiences within one heart that is intact. and when i say intact, i do not mean not broken open, not wounded, because you are still an intact person if you have allowed your hear to be expanded into all the different parts of your body.
when i say “intact", i mean protected, i mean a heart that is defended, maintaining an artificial shape that is meant to be expanded.
the intelligence, the brilliance of your heart can perceive the brilliance and the brokenness of this world. and if that does not break your heart open, then you are doing yourself a great and painful disservice by manually suturing closed the parts of your heart that want to split, that want to bleed, that want to cry with pain and with the sadness of separation.
you cannot be in this world — REALLY be in this world, and the truth of how it is — without your heart being broken.
when you prevent your broken heart, you are taking threads of your misunderstanding will and weaving them together in the lines where you feel your heart wanting to break. and you are putting so much effort into containing the will of your heart, which is to metamorphose. you are tying down the wings that want to grow.
all the effort you are putting into that, it is exhausting.
the muscles in your heart are the strongest muscles in your body and they are going to continue to pull in the directions that they want to go in, and the expansiveness that they want to be -- the muscles want to open up and make your heart the size of your entire body. your body will integrate these pieces of brokenness and what you will see when your heart covers all of you, is that yes you are sensitive to the touch but also, behind your heart, there is your spirit. it is the light that is inside of you, and it is bright and strong and it burns.
and when you allow your heart to break open, to stretch, the muscles in your heart going into the farthest reaches of all of your physical being, allowing yourself to be as big as you actually are, to hold the complexities and the contradictions of the pain, joy, suffering, pleasure, exaltation, the separateness and the togetherness and the everything of this life — you have to let your heart stretch out into your entire body because there’s no other way you can have room for all of these experiences —
when you do that, you will inhabit the brightness and strength of your spirit.
when you suture your heart, your spirit can't come forth because all your energy is being put into this self protection. and the result of that protection is about your perception of your preservation within yourself. a heart that is sutured together is ultimately a heart that is closed, and a heart that is not willing to accept the world as it is and be in in the world as it is.
but there is no work here that closed heart can do, because all of its effort is bent in preserving a manufactured and artificial way of being, so your spirit can’t come to the front. because all the spirit’s effort is hearing “stay back”. and sometimes, this is ok. this is ok. it is ok to maintain. it is not always time to break.
and when you are ready, take out your sutures. you can do this slowly. and know that the direction of the pieces of the heart that wants to break will move in their own accord. this is not something that you have to do manually. all you have to do is let those pieces go. behind you, in front of you, in your mouth, on your tongue and lips, in words that you speak to your lover. to the back of your heart, the back of your body, to the pain of not feeling protected. out to the right in your arms of service, out to the left in the pain of not being able to help all who are suffering. and feel all of those things. and every time you have a new experience that you don’t think you’ll be able to contain, you can say to it, yes, this too, this too.
this is not a logical process. and although your heart is intelligent like a brain it doesn’t follow the same rules. and every time you think you won’t be able to contain another contradictory piece, you will be surprised at the brilliance of what you can hold.