everyone’s running around with such fear about being the next person to be wrong. where the spotlight and target, the bright lights of shame and guilt will be upon them.
does anyone look flattering in the bright lights of the examination room? collective eyes focus in on one person and create unnatural scrutiny. people blinking and freezing inside of that energy. trapped like animals in the headlights.
and then you judge yourselves for what you do in the states when you are frozen, a million times you deny your animal nature, your tender bodies, judging your judgement instead of turning your eyes on compassion for yourself.
everything you did. even when you are wrong. could be met with your words to yourself of:
i love you. i see how you try. i see what you tried to do. i see your motives. i see your animal nature. i see you. i love you.
self-compassion is your way into transformation.
instead, when you find that you had wrong doing, you either try to avert the blame to avoid the crushing weight of your displaced self hatred, or you take all of it into yourself.
when we say that compassion is the antidote to all, we mean it.
if you were truly compassionate towards yourself, would you ever have to defend yourself? if you were truly compassionate with yourself, would you ever have to be filled with such shame for making a mistake, from coming from a place of your conditioning, your trauma, or your outgrown human nature?
but the part of you that is young, that has your baby fist raised, that holds the red flag in your hand, the flag of war, the flag that screams for revolution, says: ‘we do not have time for compassion’.
and we — we are your elders, this land, the ones who have been through this revolution and this iteration before, again and again, we who see your patterns and repetition with the clear perspective of eons, with the same perspective of the life forms you’d study in a lab — we say:
you do not have time to NOT lead with compassion. without compassion for yourselves and each other there is no transformation, only repetition. in your hurry, in your anger, in your immense grief about what you have done to your world + to each other — the climate. rape. white supremacy. subjugation. enslavement. all manner of horror— you say:
"there is no time for compassion. there is no space. i am a monster. we are monsters. compassion is tantamount to acceptance and this is not acceptable.”
and we say:
to see yourselves as only monsters is to not see yourself fully. to see yourselves with compassion is to have a complete picture. compassion is not an excuse. compassion is not a pass at being in a place of recognition of harm, of amends, of change. compassion, rather, is the embodiment of all these things. the way forward through these things.
self-hatred cannot be the foundation of transformation.
how can you be motivated to transform if you do it from a place of hating yourselves? from a place of believing that you are worthless? what, then, are you working towards? zero times anything is zero.
compassion is having the love for yourself in the space of your accountability. it is the ability to say - nobody else has this information about me, but i do. i can trace back the places of my wound-edness, of my transgression, as a person and as a collective, and i can see where they occurred. i do not use this tracing as an excuse but as an entry point to understanding myself. not under the bright lights of the examination table but under the pathways of my soul, of humanity and human nature.
take your binoculars. peer back, with your feeling and your senses, the river that runs through your body. follow it to the source. find the spring, find the lake, find the water source. and see. without your eyes of hatred, see the influences here. you have the ability to do this. peel back the layers and see with the eyes of the witness all that has led up to this.
you do not need to prostrate at any altar. you do not need to beg. those gods have left, and you can choose to worship in a way that is not so punitive.
do not flagellate yourself. physically, emotionally. for the wounds you’ve inflicted on yourself or others-- an eye for an eye.
instead. trace back the pathways. understand the origin point. meet with softness so it does not retract. let yourself see. only by seeing will you be able to really understand. will you be able to really change the course. not through a rejection of all that you are, but through an understanding of all that has led you + those before you to this point. with compassion.
this message was channelled by me on 6/25/19 @ mount tabor park. gratitude and acknowledgment to the chinook peoples on whose ancestral lands this was channelled ❤️